H. Pylori and The Nerd

I had a great time with the nerd this weekend.  I arrived before he went to work and he sat on his recliner while I sat on the couch.  We talked for a bit, cuddled for a bit, did the grown for a bit.  It's so different with him now.  I have no inhibitions with him anymore because I feel like he likes me no matter what i do and also that there's no consequence to any of it.  When I say that he likes me no matter what I do, I don't mean that he is so crazy about me that he only sees the good in me.  I mean that he probably likes me, but also feels like there's no consequence to anything he does and therefore feels comfortable in himself as well.  If I'm honest with myself, I know there's no future.  I am and always will be the backup.  Damn.  When I say that it really brings to the forefront how stupid I'm being with him.  I've allowed things to get out of hand and so so complicated.  We were intimate several times in the past few days and every time was amazing.  When we were dating, the sex was never that good.  I faked it EVERY time.  Now, it's so good...almost too good.  It makes me like him more and I know it.  In the bed, in the shower, in the living room...me on top, him on top, him down on me, me pushed up against the shower wall with water pouring down both of our bodies.  It was, in a word....hot.  In another word...fun.  It's so funny, he doesn't ever say "come" or "orgasm"....he always says, "Did you go?"  He made me "go" 2-3 times every day for the past 2 days.

Then there's H. Pylori.  I talked to him every day that this was going on with The Nerd.  It blows my mind that I could be so stupid with The Nerd when this guy is so clearly into me.  Sees a future with me.  I'm starting to come around to it to.

I need to close the door on The Nerd again.  The thought actually hurts though.  Seriously.  Stabbing pain.  I don't know how to end it.

My anatomy.

Meet the Boys...

The Cowboy:  The good Christian boy.  Met him through a classmate.  He's everything I want from what I can tell.  Little awkward, but that's his parents' fault.  Really, who home schools anymore?  Anyway, we have an upcoming group dinner date. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for this one.  I'm a realist though: it may not work...so I'm not exactly prepared to forsake all others just yet...  We move on to.....

The Nerd:  The ex boyfriend med student who is a year ahead of me.  I'll be honest...I have NO idea why I like him.  I'm not even positive he likes me anymore.  When we first started talking again I though that he did.  He came to visit me from Tampa and everything soon after we started talking again.  He didn't even try anything while he was down here.  I made it clear that sex was not gonna happen so he should reconsider visiting me if that was the reason.  He said, "That is the furthest thing from my mind"...and he didn't try anything.  It was clearly not the furthest thing on my mind though.  *Face palm*  As we know....sex complicates everything...and so this is....complicated.  He's so clearly got the upper hand it kills me.  Somehow I think that planning a get away weekend with him will be a great experience and that I'll be ready to end it after I get mine again.  Problem:  I know that's a load of shit.  I love him.

Sporcle:  The friend of a friend -> my friend -> good friend -> flirty good friend -> flirty good friend who cuddles -> flirty good friend who cuddles and hooks up -> flirty good friend who cuddles and hooks up...We have no shot bc he doesn't wanna do long distance but I can't not talk to him.  He writes to me/calls me/visits me and I remember how good everything has always been with us and I can't let it go.  Great kisser.  Amazing in bed.  He needs to move down here.

H. Pylori:   Classmate who it could actually work with potentially.  We had what I thought was just a night together but turns out he really likes me.  I'm starting to like him too.  He knows about the other guys...they existed before him.  He hates it.  He hasn't tried to make anything exclusive even though I told him I'd stop talking to other guys though.  So for now...we have 4 contenders....

The sutures in my heart are strong ones.  I'm ready for my next open heart surgery.