H. Pylori and The Nerd

I had a great time with the nerd this weekend.  I arrived before he went to work and he sat on his recliner while I sat on the couch.  We talked for a bit, cuddled for a bit, did the grown for a bit.  It's so different with him now.  I have no inhibitions with him anymore because I feel like he likes me no matter what i do and also that there's no consequence to any of it.  When I say that he likes me no matter what I do, I don't mean that he is so crazy about me that he only sees the good in me.  I mean that he probably likes me, but also feels like there's no consequence to anything he does and therefore feels comfortable in himself as well.  If I'm honest with myself, I know there's no future.  I am and always will be the backup.  Damn.  When I say that it really brings to the forefront how stupid I'm being with him.  I've allowed things to get out of hand and so so complicated.  We were intimate several times in the past few days and every time was amazing.  When we were dating, the sex was never that good.  I faked it EVERY time.  Now, it's so good...almost too good.  It makes me like him more and I know it.  In the bed, in the shower, in the living room...me on top, him on top, him down on me, me pushed up against the shower wall with water pouring down both of our bodies.  It was, in a word....hot.  In another word...fun.  It's so funny, he doesn't ever say "come" or "orgasm"....he always says, "Did you go?"  He made me "go" 2-3 times every day for the past 2 days.

Then there's H. Pylori.  I talked to him every day that this was going on with The Nerd.  It blows my mind that I could be so stupid with The Nerd when this guy is so clearly into me.  Sees a future with me.  I'm starting to come around to it to.

I need to close the door on The Nerd again.  The thought actually hurts though.  Seriously.  Stabbing pain.  I don't know how to end it.